Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
