You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
