Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
