this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
