You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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