she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
