so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize