Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
