ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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