I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My balls are so social today.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
