Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
