So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
