I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize