toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
