He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
