Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
