this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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