I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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