I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
