You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Are we in a gay sports bar?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
