my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
