I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
