she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
