I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
