he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize