Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
