so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
