your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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