My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
