you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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