Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
