During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
