You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
