2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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