If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
