holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
