this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
