my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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