he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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