we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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