Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
