I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That accounts for only three of the penises
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize