do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
