Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
