She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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