Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize