3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
