Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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