Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
