I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
