Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
