Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
