I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
