why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
