i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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