so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
