big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
