that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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