This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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