The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
