I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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