i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
