Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize