Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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