her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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