I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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