I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
