I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize