More tranny stories later!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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