I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
