Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
