I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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