just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
