Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
