$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
