The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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