dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
