Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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