Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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