So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize