That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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