I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
