I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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