I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
