I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
