do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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