I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize